Get your connection treats wherever you can

It was a real treat to go to a multiday music festival recently. Not something I’ve done for many years. Going with close friends - a couple - all the way to western Victoria in a small car, was its own separate positive bonding and ‘boundarying’ experience. I worked hard not to talk too much!

There are lots of reasons to go to a music festival, but one is to celebrate, together, for a specific time at a specific place, to break the work and responsibilities routine. You get to mingle, to meet likeminded people for the first time, to meet again, to surrender to the experience.

Daily life is repetitive work, paid or unpaid, except perhaps for the outrageously wealthy, the comfortably retired, or those unlucky enough to be unable to work. Breaking our routine is the necessary opposite of having a healthy routine in the first place. Giving ourselves a treat by doing something special with others goes a long way to reassure us that life is beautiful.

In the past in Australia going to church was a place where people could commune and feel special. This was more likely if there was music and singing, and a focus on a gentle redemptive Jesus rather than on a judging punishing God. For lots of good reasons regular attendance at a place of worship is now estimated at just 15%. Many people are cynical about the compulsory fun attached to public holidays. So what are our alternatives?

I recently read Helen Garner’s The Season, following her grandson’s junior AFL team. I was overjoyed reading how his sense of self developed alongside the team's cooperative bonding. Since my 30s I've played doubles tennis and social soccer and in an amateur way know this feeling. As well I see the benefits social table tennis gives to my mum now in her 80s. Finding a collective sport or game that keeps the body moving, coordination and focus enhanced, and social connections strengthened makes a huge difference to us feeling well.

Meaningful volunteering - where you feel it makes a difference to something you care about by giving your time and labour for free - is another way to get connection. There is no shortage of beautiful community organisations needing more people to join in.

Organising a party, or a low-cost meal out or a picnic, and for no reason other than wanting to spend social time together, is another powerful way to reconnect and create a treat. Not everyone has the confidence to initiate social events, but if you do, or can encourage someone who does, beautiful times can be had.

In the digital age it’s easy to forget that face-to-face fun with friends is so much better for us than likes and chats mediated through a smartphone or laptop. For now the corporations have won the battle for the internet. It’s a commercialised space, poisoned with constant algorithmic marketing. This makes it more important than ever to get our in real life connection treats wherever we can.

What’s your next connection treat?