R we OK? From our world in crisis, to self-care and connection

World Mental Health Day passed by last week without a mention. If it had been in the news, it would probably have gone along with the official fable that mental health challenges are located only within the mind of the affected person.

However the escalating mental health crisis in Australia has a context. Let’s start with the gaping contradiction of a globally-connected culture via our mobile phones, where in theory we can know more and could cooperate more than ever before imaginable. In reality culture is dominated by poorly regulated vulture-corporations, encouraging endless competition and overconsumption. The 24/7/52 commercial culture is not designed to improve our mental health. Quite the opposite. So it’s no surprise there is a crisis of insecurity, isolation and loneliness.

This is in the midst of the biggest decline in living standards in modern Australian history. Lots of people are squeezed between the high costs of paying rent or a mortgage and food, and job insecurity and welfare payments that are guaranteed to keep people on the edge of destitution.

Meanwhile, don’t pay attention to global events because you will see rapidly escalating unnatural disturbances and disasters, from summer heat in August, to WW2-level devastation in Gaza, to climate crisis-fueled hurricanes. Whether or not people focus on the news, the sense of too many bad and sad things happening at once, and ineffective leadership (or worse!), has everyone sensing that things are not going well, and that we - as a species - are ‘out of control’.

Feeling powerless is a key risk factor for poor mental health. Our neural system’s one job is to keep us safe. But what if we sense this is less and less possible because of how society is creating runaway insecurity?

For those of us who refuse to look away, who refuse to go with the flow, who insist everything and everyone is connected, and that things will not be ok, the risk of anxiety and depression is elevated.

What can we do? #1 Make self-care your priority (but put aside the wellness industry hype)

While it’s not enough to only manage our mental health by what we can do with individual self-care, without a regular self-care routine it’s impossible to cope with the pressures of living in 2024. Creating routines for exercise, for resting and sleep, getting the balance right of being with others and being alone, being outdoors, and playing games together, all allow us to feel more in control, more in the moment. Not treating our body with the respect it requires will make us feel worse. Overusing screens instead of engaging with the people and places around us will increase our anxiety. Relying on alcohol or other drugs to calm or distract us quickly leads to exhaustion and poorer decisions.

But is self-care enough for someone challenged every day by trauma?

For those of us who didn’t get enough supportive nurturing in our early years - through neglect and/or abuse by the people raising us - the risk of persistent low self-esteem with anxiety and depression, and unhelpful coping mechanisms such as substance or gambling addiction, is very much greater than for those of us lucky to have had a secure start.

For someone challenged by trauma-related addiction, self-care is even more necessary to stay on track, but it’s harder to do, and not enough by itself. It’s a contradiction that many of my clients experience. People who live with trauma will routinely experience not just low self-esteem, but also shame, and often feel overwhelmed or lost. Trauma treatment usually requires professional support to work on self-acceptance to reduce the power of internalised shame, to create a new narrative about the meaning of their life in the past, now and into the future.

Without a strong self-care routine AND professional support to uproot feelings of shame it becomes easier to take a short cut ‘just this once’. The negative cycle begins again. Exhausted by ignoring their real needs to soothe their emotional pain, ‘just this once’ becomes active addiction, again. It’s the most vicious of cycles.

What can we do? #2 Develop a compassionate and realistic inner voice

A lot of my counselling is helping people to listen to, evaluate (for accuracy and distortions) and remake and practise their inner voice (or voices) so their internal dialogue can become their regulator, encouraging them to go slowly with their thoughts, their wise encourager, increasingly becoming their self-counsellor. In hard times being able to say to yourself that you tried your best, and that’s all you can do, is soothing. Being able to encourage yourself to start the exercise routine and congratulate yourself for completing even part of it, or to not have alcohol at that time and instead make a cup of tea, all practise maintaining moment by moment self-control in the face of stress and anxiety.

What can we do? #3 Engage in a collective activity, any activity, no matter how small

Despite the wellness industry hype we don’t exist alone. We never did and we never will. We are a social species. We really are all connected, even in this distorted society. Making and keeping friends is work, but I believe it is the most worthwhile work. Helping with friendly assistance to neighbours and coworkers, and volunteering on community projects or in community campaigns, whatever they are, gives us the buzz that we are useful, that we matter. The gift is in the giving. Even a small gift - helping someone looking lost in the street, sharing a recipe, wishing a retail worker a low-stress shift - gives that buzz. Playing a team sport or other group activity has a similar effect. Isolation is our enemy. Connection is our friend. If you are engaging with others you are helping yourself.

If this has been a useful start, if it’s been provocative to take stock of how you are feeling, but if there’s more to discover and work on, please book a free 15-minute call to see if we can work well together. There’s nothing to lose and very much to gain.